Reservations
Waiter: "Do you have a reservation?"
Frazier: "I have an appointment."
Waiter: "May I take your hat?"
Frazier: "No you may not. Go get your own."
Thus goes one of the brief yet memorable exchanges in Spike Lee's film "Inside Man", his fourth collaboration with Denzel Washington who is, as usual, quite good as Detective Frazier. And it is quite an attractive hat, so I don't blame the waiter for asking him.
I viewed this film in the confines of a cool, dark, stadium style theatre, oblivious and shielded from reality for a precious 2 hours. This is thankfully facilitated by the roomy, cushy movie seat, enveloping me like a giant red bean bag, sans the squeaky beans. The temperature would have you believe it was a cool summer evening, perfect for that favorite tshirt and a light pair of jeans. You will not encounter the stifling stench of artery clogging trans-fatty salt crusted popcorn, the incessant crinkling of a box of poly wrapped Red Vines, or some shlump slurping his liter of sugary watered down fountain drink. Instead, and almost certainly before the movie begins, you might hear a brief and very subtle unwrapping of a chocolate covered ice cream cone, appropriately named a Choc Top. Everyone who eats anything eats these. Everyone. (Curiosity and an unnatural adoration of all things chocolate dictates that I must try one next time ...) Almost certainly, too, will you be spared an array of annoying ringtones followed by undoubtedly inane mobile phone speak. If not, threatening great bodily injury to the offender may prove to be effective.
The ensuing food, beverage, and phone silence will be music to your ears and all you will hear is Denzel denying the waiter his request.
The movie-going experience in Australia for me has thus far been quite a favorable one ... but the one thing that completely threw me for a loop was the reservations. That's right, at select Greater Union theatres you can reserve your seat if you purchase tickets online for a small extra fee. It's as if you were going to see Rent on a Saturday evening on Broadway, but you're just going to see Denzel! Now, thanks to the ingeniousness of the cinema in conjunction with the Internet, you can see his pearly whites as close or as far to the screen as you so desire ... and even if you don't reserve, when you buy tickets at the cinema they assign you a seat. Smile and bat your eyelashes and 10C may be yours.
But wait, that's not all folks!!
For just the price of your child's college education, you can gain entrance to the exclusive Gold Class VIP experience! What is Gold Class, you ask? Silly, it's the ultimate moviegoer's quasi-orgasmic and delectably indulgent happy pill, complete with wall to wall screens, reclining Moran armchairs (arranged in pairs with a wine cooler and small table between), and enough space for 30 to 40 of your closest friends. What is that table for? Didn't you know they also have a "deliciously different Movie Menu", from which delectable gourmet items can be delivered to you by a member of the waitstaff? If you slip him or her an extra dollar or two and ask really nicely, they might even give you a foot massage. Oh my GAW have you died and gone to cinema heaven? The children might have to work for their education funds.
Not to be outdone, Hoyts theatres has created a similar swanky utopia, romantically named LG La Premiere, equipped with loveseats in a digital surround sound Cinemaxx (apparently no longer a cheesy soft core porn cable channel) auditorium. Or, if you desire a cinephile roadtrip, you can travel to Victoria, where the Director's Lounge and the Director's Suite await you, both providing a secluded lounge/bar with an array of gastronomic delights, the latter with leather recliners (gasp!) for you and 60 of your friends. Will the fun never end?
For those who prefer a modest black coffee over a double shot half decaf skim one sugar latte, or perhaps a Madza over a Mercedes, your entrance fee is a mere $15.50 for one adult general admission ... and if you reaallly want to silently protest these increasingly hedonistic and gluttonous trends, you can go on a Tuesday and pay only 8 bucks!! Yay! Pass the ice cream cone. Make that two cones! Now you can afford it!
... Life is Good.
Frazier: "I have an appointment."
Waiter: "May I take your hat?"
Frazier: "No you may not. Go get your own."
Thus goes one of the brief yet memorable exchanges in Spike Lee's film "Inside Man", his fourth collaboration with Denzel Washington who is, as usual, quite good as Detective Frazier. And it is quite an attractive hat, so I don't blame the waiter for asking him.
I viewed this film in the confines of a cool, dark, stadium style theatre, oblivious and shielded from reality for a precious 2 hours. This is thankfully facilitated by the roomy, cushy movie seat, enveloping me like a giant red bean bag, sans the squeaky beans. The temperature would have you believe it was a cool summer evening, perfect for that favorite tshirt and a light pair of jeans. You will not encounter the stifling stench of artery clogging trans-fatty salt crusted popcorn, the incessant crinkling of a box of poly wrapped Red Vines, or some shlump slurping his liter of sugary watered down fountain drink. Instead, and almost certainly before the movie begins, you might hear a brief and very subtle unwrapping of a chocolate covered ice cream cone, appropriately named a Choc Top. Everyone who eats anything eats these. Everyone. (Curiosity and an unnatural adoration of all things chocolate dictates that I must try one next time ...) Almost certainly, too, will you be spared an array of annoying ringtones followed by undoubtedly inane mobile phone speak. If not, threatening great bodily injury to the offender may prove to be effective.
The ensuing food, beverage, and phone silence will be music to your ears and all you will hear is Denzel denying the waiter his request.
The movie-going experience in Australia for me has thus far been quite a favorable one ... but the one thing that completely threw me for a loop was the reservations. That's right, at select Greater Union theatres you can reserve your seat if you purchase tickets online for a small extra fee. It's as if you were going to see Rent on a Saturday evening on Broadway, but you're just going to see Denzel! Now, thanks to the ingeniousness of the cinema in conjunction with the Internet, you can see his pearly whites as close or as far to the screen as you so desire ... and even if you don't reserve, when you buy tickets at the cinema they assign you a seat. Smile and bat your eyelashes and 10C may be yours.
But wait, that's not all folks!!
For just the price of your child's college education, you can gain entrance to the exclusive Gold Class VIP experience! What is Gold Class, you ask? Silly, it's the ultimate moviegoer's quasi-orgasmic and delectably indulgent happy pill, complete with wall to wall screens, reclining Moran armchairs (arranged in pairs with a wine cooler and small table between), and enough space for 30 to 40 of your closest friends. What is that table for? Didn't you know they also have a "deliciously different Movie Menu", from which delectable gourmet items can be delivered to you by a member of the waitstaff? If you slip him or her an extra dollar or two and ask really nicely, they might even give you a foot massage. Oh my GAW have you died and gone to cinema heaven? The children might have to work for their education funds.
Not to be outdone, Hoyts theatres has created a similar swanky utopia, romantically named LG La Premiere, equipped with loveseats in a digital surround sound Cinemaxx (apparently no longer a cheesy soft core porn cable channel) auditorium. Or, if you desire a cinephile roadtrip, you can travel to Victoria, where the Director's Lounge and the Director's Suite await you, both providing a secluded lounge/bar with an array of gastronomic delights, the latter with leather recliners (gasp!) for you and 60 of your friends. Will the fun never end?
For those who prefer a modest black coffee over a double shot half decaf skim one sugar latte, or perhaps a Madza over a Mercedes, your entrance fee is a mere $15.50 for one adult general admission ... and if you reaallly want to silently protest these increasingly hedonistic and gluttonous trends, you can go on a Tuesday and pay only 8 bucks!! Yay! Pass the ice cream cone. Make that two cones! Now you can afford it!
... Life is Good.
posted by Jill at
2:34 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home